muse

shower

1. holds the promise of rejuvenation, that somehow - things become as clear as the tiny soap bubbles which don't disappear fast enough
2. but when I turn on the tap, the water just hits the bottom of my feet, the thousands of nerves there are screaming for me to move
3. and I tell myself I should stay on because the coldness in the air is going to disappear once the heater gets going
4. it just leaves me shivering, more conscious than ever, lacking any clarity and cold

Not The Type

"Woman, you were born to build."

Well I am tired, of taking your advice, of deciding how exactly it is I am supposed to piece this 5000 piece puzzle without any semblance of a guide. I cannot tell if this is a ship, or a jungle or just a white room. And I find myself breaking the glass walls I think I keep building and admiring the raspberries that drip down my hands, take a step back then continue to forge some kind of barricade with melting plastic. I'm still not doing it right, you say. Maybe this is all a cheap thrill for you, a box of odd ends and corners you couldn't fit into your masterpiece. 

Impulse Buys

You know that
you are his
terrible decision waiting
to happen

Now
could you please, please just
bury your head in the
sand and never have to leave for a gasp of air

But that is a
rubbish-
"excuse me,
Is this seat taken?"

Puncture

Punctuation
I worry about you, I'm afraid. 
I worry about you. I'm afraid. 
I worry. About you, I'm afraid.

I worry about you, I'm afraid.
Oh-
A weak smile.
I wasn't expecting that.
It's fine, whatever. Really, just. Forget everything I said.
When did you...
When? I don't think it was when, really. I always knew. At the back of my mind. It was more of a unwillingness to accept it. Because like I said, it's stupid.
I'm sorry I don't, I just never, well, I didn't.  And I don't think I ca-
No. No, it's fine

I worry about you. I'm afraid. 
Hello?
Can you do me a favor? 
Yeah, anyth- What's up? 
I, (the are you okays are mingled with static and bustling) 
Mm?
I'm fine. It's ok. It's been settled. 
(laughter, buzz and someone calling your name in the background) I've got this than- 
You're welcome, why'd you call me

I worry. About you, I'm afraid. 
It's fine. Just some stupid thing between friends. It happens all the time. 
Friends, mmmm. 
Friends. 
Mmmmmm 
Mmmmmmmmm

Now punctuate this -you worry about me you're afraid

Say nothing, do everything

Here's a mix because promos are irrelephant

I am a strong independent woman  sometimes secretly wish I was a phone call away from a coffee date with some people. But I'm not so I made this mix with songs that remind me of said people.

I miss FL so much, why did they cancel the show-  I NEED to project my feels onto an attractive cast with perfect chemistry/ gorgeous clothes which runs on caffeine and cliché, non-cliché quotes. (but seriously... Courage is an angel yada yada JUST NO)

Purple Ceramic

Hello, I love you. 

(How does Rebecca Hall look so seductive when she is possessive)

Liminal Loves

I was thinking: maybe I'll become one of the many little craters. Littered like careless, sloppy kisses on foreheads a best friend gives before watching you walk away into the arms of another city, this one more daring with it's affections.

Or oscillate mindlessly, the way sometimes you linger when an attractive girl shares the same train carriage as you.

"we met on a train" you imagine telling your friends at the pub

You do eventually, it's not lying - you just leave out the part where you sheepishly turn away when she smiles back at you. it was too good to be true.

Even all the possibility that hit you like a wave at the platform can't delude you into thinking that it isn't. It is much more pleasant thinking that you rejected that possibility, to mourn over the tragic loss of the could-have-been.

WOW post coming up, maybe. 

vomit

I want you to fit into the cityscape
It's about me, putting you into that one shoebox
that I chance upon
And fall in love in (with)
And it's about the silence of the; shhhhhh
 - first blackout
The scrambling
to find the one, stupid novelty candle
And the relief to find you there
Holding up your phone
we all can be idiots sometimes.
And it's about the something
remarkable about traffic
tripping on park trials the way
you stumble on words
I never thought penthouses would feel the same as rooftops
And it's about you and
It's about me
lingering like police headlights
On the silver that most people tell me is grey

Compartments

.
I feel myself drowning in metal
and plastic
The metal that is insignificant
in your eyes
are the keystone to my pyramids
I want to remould the plates
but they just end up filling the room with fumes
I don't think I can find my way out
Red Orange White
Metal is the only light source left

.
And sometimes I dream of playgrounds puddles paddlepops
But they get demolished mopped and melt

.
Walking wilfully into red lights
is counter-intuitive
but it's so easy
red is like christmas
when the commotion is generated by your family
the little boys fight over turkey
you can think of it as such
red is like valentines
when the ethanol comes in the form of sweet whites and champagne
drunkeness is welcome vulnerability
you can think of it as such
you can ease your way through the night
if you're willing to close your eyes
dream of soft blankets and lavender
someone is drawing a bath
for you
the warmth hits your face
you can lie to yourself that
you enjoy this
that you're not sitting in the cold
with too little clothes on
leaving lipstick stains on white cigarette buds
the red transfers to become too bold too bawdy
but you can lie to yourself that's not the colour on your lips
the rouge you found was much more elegant
when you put it on at 8pm
in the glass shard you call a mirror
you can lie to yourself
the little red pills you take every month
are candy
you can lie to yourself
the red hand print can be covered with some
drug store concealer
it's so easy
you can lie to yourself
and slowly let red
festive joyous red
take over

The Kahleeessssssi is annoying

• it's a very odd sensation you find yourself realizing that you are coping fine and the next minute your fingers hurt from the plastic lid of a coffee cup you were calming sipping from

• "you're so easy to read" - but I am not an open book. The careless coffee stain, the crease-less spine that someone has strained himself to maintain, the attempts at annotation, the key scratches on the cover - empirical proof for Hemingway or Fitzgerald to prove their hypothesises. Uncertainty - none. I do not have that privilege. I must scour for things like the actor hunting for a misremembered line in the wrong scene.

• (but bb I will offer you camomile tea whenever thank you so much)

• Happy birthday Benny

• It annoys me that I liked this and have no intention of unliking this on tumblr

One last call for alcohol

So the common tests are over.

It's 1151 now and I'm just sitting here wondering where did the past 6 months go (Not that it's been dry and uneventful) 

Crashed IPMUN on Thursday and sleepover with Tribal Sisterhood (don't ask). 

So yeah the past few weeks has been just walking into school everyday and being in awe of everyone and anyone ok. Because honestly everyone is just amazing. HAVE YOU SEEN MY JUNIORS/ HAVE YOU SEEN MY SENIORS/ HAVE YOU SEEN MY BATCH MATES? Meanwhile I will eat potato chips.

.

Been feeling meh so here is a meh playlist for you people that feel meh and stuff yeah ok love you bbz

galaxies

I should write more substantial posts

  

 

June 2013 with myself

I should be studying for History right now considering how my paper is tomorrow. But here is word vomit. June was fine. IMUNC!!!!!!!!! and PEOPLE!!!!!!! but yeah

the last time we went swimming the sea stood up and hugged you as though you were responsible for keeping it blue

there is sun

it feels great when the rays hit you

the water is refreshing

you can smell the salt

feel the sand under your printed toes

after a while you feel the burn

your bikini strap is digging too deep into your back

the water is too hot

the sand is getting into your eyes

your hair is everywhere except in the right place

your ruby/blood red drink is too sweet 

you can almost feel the syrup viscous on your skin

you feel the lukewarm alcohol pierce through your cracked lips

where are the moon and stars

where is the evening breeze

where are the late night walks along the beach in a flowy cotton (comfortable) dress

where is the trial of fairy lights that end at the dock

where is the beam coming from the lighthouse

where is the chill that reminds you that you are vulnerable

that vulnerable means alive

where are the waves

the night isn't coming